he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
