batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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