I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
