I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
