I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
