I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
