I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The beer is more important than you right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
