the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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