Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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