What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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