I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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