i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
