Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
