This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
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doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize