nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
