dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then my night got REAL pukey
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
