my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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