So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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