I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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