tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
