so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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