I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
