i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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