there was a trapeze. enough said
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
