she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
