If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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