I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
