I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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