No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
