first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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