this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
