see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
