Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
