He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
