I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
