ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The uberlube is also flammable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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