Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
