You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
a search helicopter?!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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