ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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