How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
