my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
