You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
