i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
