My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
