I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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