I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
