i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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