If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
