i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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