he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
