if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
