Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
