By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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