ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
