Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
