She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
