If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
