That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Alive.
So much puke
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
