Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
birth control should be required to get into college
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
