I wish i was in the wii world.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
