ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
