My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
