seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
