Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
