So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
