I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
