Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
